V-Day

Imagine a holiday breaking the cold of winter with the warmth of love, closeness, and romance – and you’ve found the opposite of Valentine’s Day.  Every February 14, the month-long parade of garish color-combos, ubiquitous lace hearts, and armed half-naked babies culminates in a final exam.  A holiday that used to be a handy excuse to celebrate affection has taken a rather sinister turn in American culture.  Telling people how you feel about them, being sweet, and spending time with your significant other should not need a special day, and even in bustling, work-comes-first USA, people know this.  So instead, Valentine’s Day is time for a demonstration of love that has grown increasingly materialistic. 

The girlfriend that uses her Valentine’s gift to determine “how much you really love me” is a stereotypical nightmare, but it doesn’t deviate from the premise of the holiday, which requires couples to quantify their affection and express it the form of material of material goods. 

For weeks beforehand, televisions are aglow with images of smiling women accepting expensive gifts from “savvy men” who “know” that the way into a woman’s heart is through chocolates, flowers, and especially jewelry.  The woman is thrilled at the “perfect” diamond necklace, the man is kissed passionately and praised with a phrase like “how did you know?” and the commercial ends by encouraging men to “get her something special this Valentine’s Day.”  Everywhere from department stores to grocery stores, greeting cards and gift cards claim to spread “extra-special” cheer.  Americans want to feel special and corporations use this to sell products, attempting to make their merchandise the “standard” for expressing love.  But love can’t be successfully converted into material goods.  Companies actually feed men false ideas about what makes women happy.  Many women prefer hand-written cards to store-bought messages designed for female stereotypes, flying in the face of “general wisdom.”  While some women want chocolate, others view such a gift as an empty gesture without real forethought, and therefore without heart.  Is it any surprise men have trouble navigating such a treacherous occasion?

But that doesn’t mean it’s easy for women either.  American society is largely patriarchal: expecting men to pursue women, to make all the first moves, and to be the romantically creative ones.  Because of this, Valentine’s Day focuses on men, which actually leaves women more confused.  With all this hype about men giving gifts, should women even buy something?  Probably, but what?  There aren’t even stereotypes to fall back on.  Sure women aren’t in the spotlight when it comes to Valentine’s Day gift-giving, but the wrong gift could still cause problems.  Internet searches produce a myriad of mushy advice: heart-shaped dogs tags with each others’ names on them, m&ms with messages like “luv me,” t-shirts with “I ♥ My Girlfriend.”  Valentine’s Day might center around love, but few self-respecting guys would wear a shirt like that, and such a gift only makes the man uncomfortable.

There is also the question of scope, which I suspect causes many of the break-ups on Valentine’s Day.  One partner gives the other a small gift, thinking that it isn’t a major holiday, but that he/she wanted to show that he/she what thinking of her/him.  The other partner, however, goes all-out because he/she “takes the relationship seriously.”  This may just be a difference in how the pair views the holiday, but such a misunderstanding, coupled with high expectations and a culture that expects love to translate into objects, this discrepancy can be taken as a difference in attitude about the relationship itself.  And many people use the day not to express affection, but to evaluate their romantic position in life – and the results are not always positive.  That’s why, of all the days of the year, Valentine’s Day is host to more break-ups than any other.  And they call it the “day for love.”